About Me

I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.

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porn

Most Teen Boys Think Porn Is Realistic

I already knew this was true, but it’s still bad news for it to be confirmed.

A study of the porn habits of 1,000 preteens and teenagers in the U.K. found that most teens have not only seen porn, but a considerable percentage of teen boys say they want to try to emulate sex acts they see in porn videos. Read more

5 Things Porn Gets Disastrously Wrong

Many people watch porn at least occasionally, but if you’re one of those who thinks that porn is sex education, Aimee Porter warns that porn gets some things disastrously wrong.

Like most of you currently reading this, I watch a lot of porn. A LOT of porn. I’m not just a porn consumer; I’m a connoisseur. A porn sommelier, if you will—able to distinguish between porn at all ends of the quality spectrum. (And if you’re not buying that girls watch porn, I like to say there are two kinds of people in this world: 1. People who like porn, and 2. LIARS, because EVERYBODY likes porn!)

Beyond getting my jollies from it, I like porn because you can actually learn a lot from it. Don’t know what that fetish is? Fire up XHamster and do a quick search. And if you want to be better at sex, it can be amazingly helpful to watch a few videos—I refined my blowjob technique that way, for example.

Unfortunately, not all porn is created equal, and while you can learn a lot of good things from it, there is also a lot of stuff that should never, ever be attempted in your own bedroom. And even worse, the performers are getting paid to look like they’re having the orgasms of their lives, so even when it doesn’t feel good they moan anyway.

So how are you, male readers, to know what’s right and wrong? Lucky for you, I’m here to educate you.

Without further ado, here are the five times porn gets it DISASTROUSLY WRONG: Read more

4 Things In Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: porn is entertainment, not sex education. Amanda Mannen describes four things you see in porn that you should never do it real lifel

For approximately, oh, the entirety of civilization, we’ve been pretty bad at teaching people about sex. When you got The Talk from the middle-school woodshop teacher you bought cigarettes from, it probably mostly involved cautionary tales about his wicked case of super-herpes and very little about what people actually do in bed. All we’ve really got is porn, which is the absolute worst way to learn how to rub genitals together. Porn is a fantasy by necessity. Therefore, sometimes porn stars do things that are so far removed from reality that it actually takes me out of it and I can’t even enjoy it anymore, kind of like the Wilhelm Scream in regular movies, but with just so much more dick.

And — God help us all — they’ve shown up on screen so often, people have started thinking those bizarre little porn tropes are what sex is. I beg of you, unless you have your partner’s enthusiastic approval and cooperation, do not ever try … Read more

11 Differences Between Porn Actresses and Real Women

If you haven’t already discovered that porn and real life sex are two entirely different things, Anna Breslaw makes eleven humorous comparisons between porn actresses and real women.

The guy could be licking the sole of an Air Jordan two feet away, and a porn actress would be writhing with pleasure. We are just as into sex as dudes are, but it takes a little more work than it looks like in porn. Read more

5 Unrealistic Sex Moves Men Learn from Watching Porn

Lori Lothian believes porn has the potential to mislead men about the best bedroom moves to use with real-life women.

I had a discussion the other day with a female sex educator about porn. The gist of our talk was about how porn has the potential to badly mislead men about the best bedroom moves, the ones real women appreciate, versus the stereotypes porn directors and actors have woven into the collective sexual imagination.

Of course, in an ideal intimate union, you men are simply asking your partner what she likes (because each woman is as unique as her pussy). But because transparency and candor is often as scary in new relationships as farting during sex, let’s just take a stab at some general “women don’t really like this” pointers.

Here are five techniques porn teaches men that are not necessarily what many women will rave to their girlfriends about after he tries them on her: Read more

Nina Hartley’s Sex Tips for Young Guys

Nina Hartley is not only a porn legend, but a sex educator. When the Bite Me TV crew approached her for an interview during eXXXotica Expo’s first Los Angeles show in July, 2010, Nina was kind enough to share some golden sex tips for guys. From preparation to technique and attitude, Nina Hartley shares tips that can lead to more and better sex.

Erectile Dysfunction and Porn

Can’t perform in bed? A new study says porn may be to blame.

Porn is so readily available now that it’s hard to say no. According to Psychology Today, though, there’s a very good reason to pull out: erectile dysfunction. Research shows that being exposed to porn desensitizes men to the point where getting turned on by regular sex simply isn’t exciting enough. Read more

This makes sense.  If the woman in a man’s life isn’t as hot as the women he sees in porn videos – who have the benefit of professional make-up, fake breasts, and flattering camera work – he may eventually not get turned on by her anymore. Plus, if she doesn’t want to do some of the things he’s seen women do (or thinks he has, such as ass-to-mouth), he may feel rejected.

I’ve always thought that the main problem with porn is that unsophisticated men took it seriously and thought of it as sex education instead of  just erection-producing entertainment. However, if the reports of increasing numbers of young men having erectile dysfunction are true, it may have even more serious and far-reaching consequences. A man who can only be turned on by fantasy sex is likely to have serious relationship problems with real women, and if he doesn’t understand the cause of the problem, he’s not likely to be able to solve it.

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