About Me

I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.

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bend over boyfriend

How Does a Woman Reach Orgasm Pegging?

A man on Tribe.net asked Vickie P., “How does a woman reach orgasm pegging?” Three main ways, she says.

A man on Tribe.net asked me, “How does a woman reach orgasm pegging?” (This is my kind of man. He wants to get pegged, yet he wants to be sure the woman has an orgasm, too.) I replied:

I suggest you post this question on one of the Tribe groups devoted to pegging, but here’s my answer: Read more

What’s pegging, you ask? See my post How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend and Make Him Like It.

How One Man Learned to Get Pegged and Like It

Max Levant tells how he learned to get pegged and like it, and in doing so, learned to understand women better.  (See my post How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend and Make Him Like It for pegging tips.)

Three months ago, I thought I completely understood women. And why wouldn’t I? Twenty-five years is enough time to understand three billion people. I grew up in the snug cove of the Bay Area, went to a college named after a woman, and got real good at turning my feelings into words. Eventually I got so good at talking about feelings that I started doing plays, so I could talk about feelings I didn’t even have.

So why is it that, after decades of sympathizing with women, I feel like I’m just starting to empathize? It’s pretty simple. I got fucked. In a good way. Read more

Is Pegging the New Blow Job?

Is pegging the new blow job? Sex experts think that more straight men are exploring a formerly taboo hot spot. I discussed this topic in my post Why Do Some Couples Enjoy Bend Over Boyfriend?

I was sitting around the fire pit in my backyard with a handful of straight male friends when drunken conversation inevitably turned to sex. The perverted powwow officially began when one friend, let’s call him Freddy, announced something to the effect of, “Having your prostate milked is awesome.”

I nearly choked on my beer. Someone else chimed in: “It’s the male g-spot.” Another head nodded. A female friend walked into our circle at that moment and nonchalantly volunteered: “Yeah, my ex-boyfriend liked me to stick a finger in his butt.”

Well, then. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard young heterosexual men talking about being on the receiving end of a wandering finger, or female friends dishing on their male partners’ self-directed anal fixation, but the consensus in the room was startling nonetheless. For perhaps the first time in my life, I felt like a sexual square. Read more

Strap-On Sex: The Politics of Penetration

Anna Pulley wonders what gender dynamics and stereotypes are exposed and undercut in sexual role reversal.

“I think you’re the one,” he said. We were taking a break from a marathon fuck fest, sweaty, spent, and lying on our sides when he said those words to me, words that I’d been told every girl wanted to hear at some point in their lives. Except, of course, Seth wasn’t my boyfriend, and he wasn’t professing his undying love for me. He was my friend with benefits, and he was trying to convince me to don a strap-on and do him in the ass. After he told me I was “the one,” it wasn’t just my ego I wanted him to stroke. What are friends for, I thought, if not to tell you when you have spinach in your teeth and to give you an occasional reach around?

I had been trying to get Seth to let me do him in the butt for years, way before we started sleeping together. He was, in fact, dating a girl I was in love with when we first met in Tucson. They came down from Phoenix for a party I was having, and after a jug of Carlo Rossi wine, I pulled out my box of sex toys (like ya do), including a garishly pink rubber dildo and thong harness that I bought on the clearance rack at Fascinations. The first time I tried it on I felt like I was on American Gladiators. All I needed was to draw some stars on my ass and I’d be ready to joust. Aside from its hideous color, which I assumed was to make it seem less threatening, less male, and therefore more acceptable to impale somebody with, it was very versatile. This particular strap-on came with a vibrator, a vibrator pocket that nestled right up next to my clit, a hooked nose for g-spot stimulation, and a nob right about where a partner’s clit should be. It was like a one-man band, or a really thoughtful rhinoceros. In my extreme inebriation, I thought it neither tactless nor gross to lend my friends the strap-on I fucked my girlfriend with on a semi-regular basis in order to take Seth’s anal virginity. The look on his face told me immediately that that was not going to happen, and I tried to seem less disappointed than I actually was. Read more

Can a Woman Pegging a Man Not Be Dominant?

Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man’s anus with a strap-on dildo. Can a woman pegging a man not be dominant?  Vickie P. thinks so and describes the kind of pegging she prefers:

I wrote recently on the Tribe.net group Pegging is for Everyone that I prefer “loving, egalitarian pegging without the femdom stuff.” How, some of my friends on the group asked, could a woman pegging a man not be dominant? Allow me to explain.

First, let me tell you about the kind of pegging I like. I like the unusual — and powerful — feeling of having a penis between my legs. It may be artificial, but it’s always big and hard — unlike real ones. I like to be the one doing the penetrating instead of always being the one penetrated, the role reversal. Sarah at MyVag.net said it nicely: Read more

Anal Sex for Beginners

analFor many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Many people are attracted to it precisely because it’s so taboo and mysterious. Others haven’t tried it yet and are curious.

What Is Anal Sex?

Anal sex is the act of placing a finger, an erect penis, or object into the anus of another person to give and receive sexual pleasure. Some people also enjoy oral stimulation of the anus, known as analingus or rimming.

Does Anal Sex Hurt?

Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough patience, it’s entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex life. If you follow these 10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex, you can ensure that your first anal sex experience is pleasurable rather than painful. Continue reading

Husband Tells How His Wife Took His Anal Virginity

At The Virginity Project, a husband tell how his wife took his anal virginity. What did it feel like the first time?

I put my arms back and got lost in the music, which was pounding and loud.  The pushing returned but this time I did not resist.  Slowly, slowly, the dildo pressed in and then all of a sudden it just slid forward.

I moaned and gasped, ‘Ohmygod.’

‘Mmmm,’ she said, ‘Here’s some more.’

With that, she pushed in even further.  Another ‘Ohmygod’ from me.  Then the thrusting began.  ‘Keep with me,’ she said.  I did, mimicking what she’d done for me hundreds of times before – bucking my hips in rhythm to meet her thrusts.  I couldn’t believe it. Read more

Recent Comments

  • Svetlana Ivanova: Depends on the woman.
  • Fox2: Would that be most probably wouldn’t feel it? I have seen you say elsewhere that less than 5″ means...
  • Svetlana Ivanova: Some may, but most probably won’t. For some women in long-term relationships, penetration is...
  • Fox2: Not sure if commenting is working at the moment. Thanks but even though these positions will help maximise my...
  • Svetlana Ivanova: These positions help maximize what you have, whatever that is.
  • Fox: Would these positions help with a penis 4-4.5inches long and around 4inches around? Or do you need to be packing...
  • BOB: FUR
  • Svetlana Ivanova: If a woman doesn’t want to please the man she’s with, she’s with the wrong man.
  • Jane Doe: This article not only implies that all men want submissive partners, it tells women to take on a persona....
  • Svetlana Ivanova: It isn’t misogynistic at all. It’s realistic and sex-positive.