About Me
I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.
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Strap-On Sex: The Politics of Penetration

Anna Pulley wonders what gender dynamics and stereotypes are exposed and undercut in sexual role reversal.

“I think you’re the one,” he said. We were taking a break from a marathon fuck fest, sweaty, spent, and lying on our sides when he said those words to me, words that I’d been told every girl wanted to hear at some point in their lives. Except, of course, Seth wasn’t my boyfriend, and he wasn’t professing his undying love for me. He was my friend with benefits, and he was trying to convince me to don a strap-on and do him in the ass. After he told me I was “the one,” it wasn’t just my ego I wanted him to stroke. What are friends for, I thought, if not to tell you when you have spinach in your teeth and to give you an occasional reach around?

I had been trying to get Seth to let me do him in the butt for years, way before we started sleeping together. He was, in fact, dating a girl I was in love with when we first met in Tucson. They came down from Phoenix for a party I was having, and after a jug of Carlo Rossi wine, I pulled out my box of sex toys (like ya do), including a garishly pink rubber dildo and thong harness that I bought on the clearance rack at Fascinations. The first time I tried it on I felt like I was on American Gladiators. All I needed was to draw some stars on my ass and I’d be ready to joust. Aside from its hideous color, which I assumed was to make it seem less threatening, less male, and therefore more acceptable to impale somebody with, it was very versatile. This particular strap-on came with a vibrator, a vibrator pocket that nestled right up next to my clit, a hooked nose for g-spot stimulation, and a nob right about where a partner’s clit should be. It was like a one-man band, or a really thoughtful rhinoceros. In my extreme inebriation, I thought it neither tactless nor gross to lend my friends the strap-on I fucked my girlfriend with on a semi-regular basis in order to take Seth’s anal virginity. The look on his face told me immediately that that was not going to happen, and I tried to seem less disappointed than I actually was. Read more

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Recent Comments
  • Svetlana Ivanova: Clothes are a human invention, not an evolutionary development, and the extent to which they were...
  • RickyP: About the evolution thing, wouldn’t penis size be more obvious if it were the “bright...
  • Ryan: Youkai, how could you have been remembering when you had such parts if you were born male? Or were you born...
  • frank: coming
  • Wes: Still one of my favorite positions. The wife gets bored with it after awhile, but indulges me. The article had a...
  • Tom: Nuru can be fantastic IF done correctly, with a person the uses the correct lotion, mat and stimulation. Because...
  • Svetlana Ivanova: It is very hard to find the right person for a threesome. I always recommend trying to hook up with...
  • Gary Denoyer: When needing to pee I pee then stop hold it pee hold it ect hardly ever have a problem but if so I...
  • Tamati: My honey and i have sex at least once a day on average and it amazing. We have been married for a little over...
  • Svetlana Ivanova: Yes, the evolutionary theory is probably right. Human males don’t have bright colors or tail...