My Answers to 19 Dirty Questions about Sex
At The Frisky, Simcha posted 19 Dirty Questions We Still Have About Sex. When I read through them, I thought to myself that I could answer most of them, so I decided to give it a try. I’m not claiming that these are the definitive answers. They’re just my answers.
1. How come the same amount of booze it takes me to have sex can also be the same amount that stops me from being able to get off?
Booze dulls all your senses. By the time you have your “beer goggles” on, your sense of touch and feeling are as dull as your sense of sight.
2. Why do guys feel threatened by vibrators, but no woman is intimidated by a flesh light?
I think that men realize that vibrators are advanced technology while the flesh light is a sorry substitute for the real thing.
3. Why are guys obsessed with doing the butt?
The butt is really tight, so it feels really good. Plus, butt sex is still considered a bit taboo and naughty, which makes it more exciting. It’s no wonder the butt is a penis magnet.
4. Why do women care about penis size when about 75 percent only get off from clitoral stimulation.
A big penis is considered more masculine, it’s exciting to look at (even if it scares you a little), and it fills you up. If it gets you off, too, that’s a bonus.
5. How did pubes get such a bad rap?
Pubes didn’t have a bad rap until oral sex became popular. They do tend to get in the way.
6. Why do babies have to go out the way they came in?
I definitely don’t want a baby coming out of my mouth or butt, so that leaves the vagina.
7. Why don’t men get more oxytocin than women? We’ve already bonded to the dude if they’re doing us. Shouldn’t they be the ones getting super dosed?
This proves that God is male.
8. Why do peen rings make a dude’s junk look so adorbs?
Peen ring? Adorbs?
9. Why does sex have that smell?
Sex smells like body fluids that we don’t smell most of the time, so they’re distinctive.
10. While we’re at it, why do crotches have that smell?
Crotches often are enclosed in tight briefs or panties, so they can’t breathe like your hands or face. Make your man wear boxers if he doesn’t already.
11. In a possibly related question: why is the Hershey factory so close to the hot pocket?
It made installing the plumbing easy and cheap, which also proves that God is male.
12. Why do some guys think it’s OK to force your head while you’re giving them head?
This is what passes for communicating with your partner among men. They want you to take more of their penis into your mouth, but, apparently, that concept is too difficult to articulate, so they push your head down instead.
13. Why does every guy want to finish on my face?
No normal man ever wanted to pull out of his woman’s vagina, mouth, or butt to masturbate and ejaculate all over her face until seeing it in porn. Porn directors probably thought they needed to vary how the “money shot” was done, so they came up with facials. It’s such a perfect gesture of male domination and female humiliation that it caught on quickly.
14. How come great sex isn’t enough to keep us happy?
Great sex isn’t enough to keep us happy because there isn’t enough of it.
15. What did people do B.C.E. B.C.L., before the common lube?
Either you made your own, or used olive oil or lard, I guess.
16. How come the media and “experts” keep trying to tell us that there is one kind of ideal sexy person? I like bald, fat dudes with acne scars and lotsa chest hair, suck it Science Of Sex Appeal.
Science likes facts, and hates opinion. What is sexy is definitely an opinion, but to maintain its authority, science pretends to have the definitive answer.
17. Why are men more willing to get naked at the drop of a hat?
Men’s bodies are not critiqued as thoroughly as women’s bodies are, either by themselves or others. Fat men think they’re “big men,” and being called big is usually complimentary to a man. As long as a man’s penis isn’t too small, he isn’t aware that he has any reason to cover up. Plus, men think their naked bodies will cause women to get so excited that we’ll want to skip foreplay and go straight to intercourse.
18. Why is foreplay more stimulating than the actual penis-in-vagina sex?
The nerve endings of a woman’s vagina are concentrated near the entrance. If the penis, whether because of the sex position or its size, isn’t rubbing the clitoris or G-spot, there’s usually not that much stimulation during penis-in-vagina sex.
19. How come sex with hot people is almost never as hot?
Hot-looking people are often not that hot sexually because they don’t think they have to be. Their hotness gets them sex, and they often let their partner do all the work.