About Me
I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.
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How to Make Her Want Anal Sex

CoupleDo you want to have anal sex with your wife or girlfriend, but are uncertain about her reaction? Many women are curious about anal sex, but are scared about comfort and safety issues. Some women who are unwilling to try anal sex with their current partner may have had a bad experience with an impatient or ignorant lover in the past. That’s why I don’t recommend asking a woman for anal sex without some careful preparation. Instead of asking her to try anal sex, it’s better to make her want anal sex.

Anal sex can be very pleasurable for women because the rectum shares a wall with the vagina, and the sexual nerves are actually closer on that side, which makes the sensation unique, stronger and quite possibly orgasmic. My post Anal Sex from a Female Perspective describes what anal sex feels like for a woman.  I am a firm believer that once a woman experiences the sensual pleasure that anal play can bring, she’ll allow you to explore the possibilities a little further, and, given sufficient time and patience, will eventually allow you to take it to the ultimate step of full anal penetration.

The key to the approach I recommend is to “train” her to associate anal sensations with sexual pleasure. The next time you’re going down on her (twice as many women orgasm from oral sex as from intercourse), move your hands around and cup her butt cheeks, squeeze and massage them, and then let your finger(s) wander into her crack a little bit. Get her to pull her legs back towards her head (so you can have better access to her vagina), and lightly bite/nibble around her butt in places you can reach, and run your tongue as close to her crack as you can comfortably (for you and her).

You must keep your eyes and ears open during this to gauge her response. If she moans a little louder, squirms a little bit more, or provides some other positive feedback, then go on to the next step. If she jerks away or gives you a negative reaction, don’t press the issue. Just try again the next time and hope for a more positive reaction.

If you’ve gotten your positive feedback, and are confident about proceeding, lube up a finger and slide it down into the crack of her butt and over her anus (this assumes she’s pulling her legs back for easy access). Don’t let it linger there. Just run it right over the anus slowly and see how she responds. Again, judge her reaction to decide whether or not you should proceed.

If you get another favorable reaction, try it again and this time, let your finger linger there, and perhaps perform some light massage on the anus, especially as you are performing cunnilingus on her. Her nerve endings will already be lit up down there, and everything in that area is interconnected anyway. As long as she doesn’t think you’re about to invade, you should get a noticeable increase in positive feedback.

Assuming you are successful, put a little lube on your finger and slowly, with circular motions, stroke the outside of her opening. Then gradually insert your finger inside the anus. Do not move it at first. Just allow her to enjoy the sensation of fullness in the anus.

Slowly insert the finger up to the end and make circular motions with the whole wrist, without moving the finger in and out. These motions will be felt in the vagina. While you’re doing this, do something else, such kiss her breasts or stimulate her clitoris. Try to make her experience pleasurable. A woman who enjoys anal foreplay will eventually begin to give anal penetration some serious thought.

Getting her highly aroused goes a long way toward reducing inhibitions. If you take advantage of her uninhibited state, you can probably progress to the point where she’ll allow you to penetrate her anus with a finger, then two, and maybe even proceed to the point of using a small sex toy. The key here is to make sure that you don’t rush things. If you take your time, and let her get comfortable with the idea of anal play, you should eventually reach the point where she’ll seriously consider allowing you to try full anal penetration with your penis.

When she does, be sure to follow the 10 Steps to Great First-Time Anal Sex unless you want the first time to be the last time. A bad experience can turn her off to anal sex altogether – at least with you. On the other hand, anal sex can be one of the most erotic and satisfying sexual practices a woman can enjoy. It’s a different, tighter sensation than vaginal sex, and, if the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you’re inside her, it can take her to another sexual realm.

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

16 Responses to How to Make Her Want Anal Sex

  • MARCE says:


  • dominadoll says:

    Excellent advice and very well written. Anyone trying anal for the first time should read this first! Your 10 steps was great as well. Thanks for sharing!

  • Friction says:

    Will somebody please write an article about how to make HIM want anal sex? I’m a pro domme and I get lots of male clients coming to me for strap-on sex, but I can’t seem to convince the other men in my life to go for it.

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    I’ll do a post soon about how I get men to “bend over,” but it’s not that different from persuading a woman: start “small” and work your way up.

  • Brian says:

    I say if she dont like it slam that ass more

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    And men wonder why women are reluctant to try anal sex.

  • Omar says:

    “I say if she dont like it slam that ass more” HAHA!!

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    You’re confusing porn with sex eduction videos. Your comment makes me thing that you’ve never actually had anal sex. Am I right?

  • J Miles says:

    First time when I asked my lady to receive it up her ass, she slapped the sh*t out of me. Yeah, I guess it sounds funny, but I really wanted to try anal sex and she was totally against it. Then I was searching Google like you guys and I hit on this book called Jack’s Anal Persuasion. My God, that was the best thing that I could read in whole universe. Seriously, now me and my girlfriend (same one who slapped me) are only doing anal sex. Now, she adores anal sex. You should give it a try, I’m pretty sure it can help you too!

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    Pull it out SLOWLY.

  • steve says:

    I love your blog, I thought this ( like all I’ve read) was a great article. This is by far my biggest sexual desire and I have a really hard time repressing it, however unfortunately I think with my wife all hope of living my fantasy is lost and more attempts at convincing her would just be pointless pressure on her, which is obviously very inconsiderate and not what I want.. we had a baby so maybe in awhile. Still a great article!

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    People change. If not now, maybe at some future time.

  • willow says:

    My wife thinks it just plan gross even tho she has let me put the head of my cock inside her ass. Can you please help any advice would be very helpful.

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    If you just try to turn her over and stick it in, she’s going to say no. Stimulate around her anus with your fingers and tongue (as I say in this article) instead of trying to stick your penis in right away. Also, save anal play for when she is already turned on. Women will do a lot of things when they are sexually aroused that they wouldn’t ordinarily do.

  • Matthew says:

    Hey Svetlana. These ideas are great but I have an issue. My wife and I engage in anal sex sometimes, and she can get great pleasure from penetration and dp, however she has convinced herself that anal is a turn off so it’s really hard to reach that point.

    Maybe from playing ignorantly when we were younger. But she won’t allow me to do any sort of anal foreplay with her, and I think she’s missing such a great experience.

    I tried some of these steps but she shut down instantly. Any ideas on how she can allow herself enjoyment of anal apart from deep or double penetration?

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    I don’t have any suggestions other than what I gave here. It does show the importance of knowing what you’re doing before trying something with a woman. Often, you will not get a second chance.

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