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I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.
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Bottoms Up! How to Give an Erotic Spanking

Erotic spanking is the act of spanking another person for the sexual arousal or gratification of either or both partners. Spanking can be sexy, and a majority of women have fantasies about being spanked. Most men, too, find spanking a woman to be a strong sexual turn-on.

For a woman, the turn-on is not so much in the sensation of pain as it is in the feeling of helpless submission and vulnerability of being bent over her partner’s lap, the attention being paid to her behind (a primary erogenous zone), the feeling of a man’s hand warming her buttocks, and the anticipation of sexual pleasures to come. For a man, the arousing aspect of spanking is the feeling of control and power over his helpless lover, and the excitement of playing with her beautiful bottom, turning it pink and putting her in the mood for some hot, passionate sex.

Both the spanker and the spankee need to want the experience. Talking about whether spanking should be a part of sex play usually works best when it happens before your sex session. That’s not to say that there’s no room for spontaneity, but rather, you’re more likely to be able to ask for what you want and hear your partner’s requests when you’re not turned on. The clearer you are about what you want or what you might like to explore, the more likely it is that you’ll get it.

While giving a spanking, it’s very important that the spanker can take feedback without getting his feelings hurt, and that the spsnkee feels comfortable giving feedback. If you’ve never spanked a woman before, it’s hard to know how hard is too hard or not hard enough for her without asking. Specific questions can serve the dual purpose of being sexy and helpful. Try asking questions such as “Does this feel good?” “Harder?” “Faster?” “Softer?” or “Slower?”

How to Spank

Erotic spankings are best accomplished by bare hands on bare bottoms. By spanking only with bare hands, you are able to exercise complete control and modify the procress as that bottom blushes and reddens. However, if used with great care, small paddles, the back of a hair brush, wooden spoons, etc can also be used.

For the most intense sexual stimulation, try the old-fashioned over-the-knee (OTK) spanking position. For women, the over-the-knee position practically guarantees clitoral stimulation with every spank! The spankee should be over the spanker’s right knee, assuming he is right-handed.

The best way to begin is to start with hand spanking over clothes, massaging her bottom after every few smacks. Gradually remove the clothes by lifting her dress or lowering her pants, and then pulling down her panties as her bottom gets warmer. When we get spanked, more blood flows to the skin, the muscles relax, and arousal builds. The more relaxed we are, the better spanking will feel.

Focus your spanking on the buttocks. Always avoid impact on or above the tailbone, outside of the buttocks, lower thighs, the back of the knees, and where the bottom ends and the thighs begin. It’s easy to damage the tailbone or kidneys if your spanking gets out of the safe zone. Most people find that it feels best on their butt, anyway.

You may want to include other stimulation such as genital play or light scratching and tickling to heighten sensation. When your partner is warmed up, her skin will probably feel warmer and (depending on her skin tone) may be a bit pink. She may also relax into the sensation or make appreciative sounds. However your partner expresses her pleasure, make sure to linger there before taking it further. You’ll be rewarded later!

Taking It to a Climax

There are ways to intensify any spanking without applying more force. Remember that it’s the QUANTITY of spanks that does the trick. A relaxed hand with fingers closed creates a much more pleasant sensation than keeping the hand stiff and rigid. By completely relaxing your wrist (making your hand work like a paddle) you will increase the spanking effect dramatically. Things will get even more intense if you spread your fingers! This reduces the air resistance and leads to individual contact between your fingers and her bottom,  both widening the area touched and causing a wonderfully special stinging effect. Alternating hand and finger techniques will bring about a spanking to be remembered.

Remember that women like changes when we’re warmed up and turned on, so feel free to mix it up a bit.Vary the speed. Going from slow, even strokes to short bursts of rapid-fire and unpredictable strokes can keep things from getting boring. Also, vary your intensity. Give her backside a few soft slaps and then surprise it with some hard stingers. You will love her reaction! Depending on the spankee’s tolerance and the spanker’s finesse, spanks can increase in both intensity and speed, until both partners are pleased and pleasured completely.

A really good spanker can sometimes bring his partner to climax from a sensuous, over-the-knee spanking. But every lover who knows his partner’s signs of arousal can judge when the time is right to shift her from the spanking position to a sexual position and implement his penis, which should be hard and ready from her squirming over it during the spanking!

Spanking is sexy fun and a huge turn-on for many couples. No matter what you find arousing about it, erotic spanking between sexual partners can be a thrilling experience. If you do both decide it’s something you would like to discover together, then take your time and have fun. You will find this can be a very exciting way to connect with each other.

One of the worst things that can happen to any man is not being “sure” if he had given his woman a orgasm. Imagine being so sexually skilled that you can literally give ANY woman orgasms. To discover the secrets to giving your woman the best sex she’s ever had, click here!


5 Responses to Bottoms Up! How to Give an Erotic Spanking

  • Andrea says:

    Thank You for sharing this with us, I have been trying to introduce this topic to my husband without seeming to beg for it. I had wanted it to be spontaneous.

  • Gary says:

    It’s one thing to read about the sexual art of spanking, however watching it done makes it so much better. I would like to get a video on the art of giving and receiving sexual spankings

  • Fran - older woman says:

    I think older men need erotic spankings just to remind them how to…..Women love the loving feeling of an erotic maintenance spanking when given by an older man. Makes them feel so good and happy.

  • Fran - older woman says:

    Any Older men over 70 out there…living on The Treasure Coast of Florida that remembers how to spank a lady without BDSM?

  • ken says:

    Dear Fran,
    I am a mature,married,70 yr. old man who just love giving safe and sane,maintainance spankings to older women.I do not smoke or drink.I am hwp.I also do not do any drugs.I will warm up your behind until you remember to do what you are supposed to do.I do not require any sexual activity.Please let me know if you are interested.By the way,I live in Port St. Lucie,
    thank you,

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