Another Way to Make Love
Marnia Robinson explains how and why she learned to make love without aiming for an orgasm.
There’s nothing new about hooking up. As a sexual-revolutionary, I practically lived on the Relationship Roller Coaster. Little did I know that biology was arranging every ride. Like many, I believed I just hadn’t found “Mr. Right,” even after I married and divorced. As it turned out, the issue wasn’t so much who as how.
I started to connect the dots in my thirties, when I experimented with a little known sacred sex technique — and learned something unexpected. The technique calls for generous affection and relaxed intercourse. Instead of climaxing, lovers keep melting into a sort of sexual meditation until they feel completely satisfied. Over thousands of years, people have rediscovered this approach, so it goes by various names: angelic dual cultivation, le jazer (cortezia), karezza, the reserved embrace (amplexus reservatus), and so forth. (More in future posts.)
The “avoid orgasm” element seemed peculiar, but as much as I loved orgasm, I was ready to try anything that promised greater harmony. I was expending far too much time and energy angsting over my love life. Read more