About Me
I came to the U.S. at age of 12 with my mother. We settled in sunny Florida, which was quite a contrast to Minsk. I have always been fascinated by sex and relationships. Sex Secrets is where I share sex advice, experiences, news, and sometimes a little humor. If you have a question about sex that you prefer not to post in the comments, you can email me at svetlanaivano(at)yahoo.com.
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Anal Play for Beginners

Anal sexOnce considered taboo, attitudes towards anal play have relaxed in the last two or three decades. Research shows that more and more people are enjoying anal play. In the US, a 2002 survey showed that 40% of men and 35% of women had tried anal sex with an opposite sex partner. If you’re new to anal play, anal fingering is the best way to start experiencing anal pleasure. Follow these four steps to ensure a fun and pleasurable first-time experience.

Cleanliness is essential with virtually all forms of this type of play. A bath or a shower is a great primer, and can be the start of the festivities. Once your finger(s) have been inside her anus, don’t put them anywhere else until you wash them. Carelessness in this regard can cause a very serious infection. Assess their responses to your actions and react accordingly.

Without going too close to her anus, explore her inner thighs and bottom with your hands and mouth. Some women have had bad experiences with anal play in their history, mostly because their partner moved much faster, or less gently, than they should have. If this is true in your case, getting her to talk about the topic is a great way to start. By learning where they went wrong, you can prevent that experience from happening again.

Make sure to have a good lubricant, use plenty of it, and start as slowly as possible. Apply a fair amount of lubricant on your finger, and start by making little circles around her anus with a finger. If you feel her clenching her anus, you need to find a way to help her relax, as progressing deeper while she is ‘tight’ will only cause another bad experience. Kissing her on the mouth and all over her body or performing cunnilingus, are just a couple of ways to ease her anxieties. If you get a chance to put on some music and candles ahead of time, it should help her be more comfortable.

Once inside, you can start playing to see what she likes. Start slowly and gently, and make sure to pay attention to her reactions when you speed up and/or add pressure. A few moves to get you started are moving your finger in a circular motion exploring the walls of her rectum, moving in circular motions along a specific region, moving in and out, or rotating your hand to spin your finger. After learning what you can from these techniques, start mixing two, three, or more of them together. Always remember that it is a very sensitive area; so be gentle and watch her reactions before going further.

If your partner is not open to this form of sexual play, don’t force the issue! If your partner refuses, try to open her up to the idea by exploring the area more often with your hands. She’ll slowly get used to being touched around there, and it won’t seem as big of a deal. Ultimately, however, if your partner says “no,”then accept it graciously and try something else you both like!

My book Anal Sex Secrets is a guide to great anal sex for both anal sex beginners and for couples who are searching for new things to try. To find out more about it, click here.

7 Responses to Anal Play for Beginners

  • steve says:

    Hi, after over a year of marriage my wife told me she’ll di anal on our upcoming vacation, I read your ten steps to great anal and your how to make anal better for her articles probably five times each. My concetn now is if I’m too er, excited ( this is my biggest fantasy) and I cum too soon. Any advice how to last longer? Also provided she doesnt mind, would u suggest cumming on or inside the ass

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    Go slowly at first and stop or even pull out if you have to in order to last longer. Also, try to keep your buttocks relaxed. You should ejaculate inside her. Women usually can’t feel the actual ejaculation during vaginal sex, so feeling semen spurting into them during anal is different.

  • steve says:

    Thank you very much im trying to hold back my excitement.! By the way I looked for your anal sex e book on the itunes bookstore but couldnt find it. Is it availiable on amazon?

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    It’s available at iTunes, but Apple makes it difficult to find. It’s also available at Barnes & Noble NOOK and Lulu.

  • Suzanne says:

    My concern is that my husband is quite large 10″ and I don’t want a torn rectum. I’ve tried figering which gave me a supergasm but other times his finger nail hurt even though his was slow and used lots of lube. I’ve tried anal plugs and they felt to much. Are my fears valid on his size? I feel if his was smaller I wouldn’t be so worried.

  • Svetlana Ivanova says:

    Your fears are valid, but his size isn’t necessarily a barrier to anal sex. My article How to Have Anal Sex with a Big Penis discusses the topic.

  • Ashley says:

    I was nervious my first time I ever had anal it was with my oldest daughters dad who is very thick and almost 9″ long. There’s that one person you can’t say no to and will do anything to satisfy he shares that same passion with me as well. There won’t be many people in your life you’ll submit to offering them your whole body to never questioning them. That has always bed our relationship no matter if we are with others. So one night while dropping off my daughter I cheated with him on my husband at that time. He was my piece of mind who filled my sex drive and needed desires to be filled. After hours of heated sex and cuddling he started fingering my ass driving me wild then began licking the hole. I’ve never been inside of here he said I giggled saying he was more than big enough for my pussy and its never been needed. I think I would like to enjoy this part of you her rolled my on my tummy still fingering now with a second finger and had lube already out. He got a spot inside making me orgasm with his finger. He squirted allot of lube while licking and fingering me I then felt the stretching sensation of his thick cock I squeezed the sheets and teared up as he slid a few inches inside. He could always read my mind stopping and letting my body adjust. The feeling was scary I was scared of pooping it felt like that sensation but I liked it. As I got use to it her kept going till I consumed all of him. Remind your man slow sex durring anal is very intense more so than vaginal. You could say this changed our relationship status as he’s now my huband. I’m pretty much done after anal sex so I think first vaginal then anal as a finisher. If your on a date and find out and figure out the guys not quite up to size ( big enogh ) but he’s hot and was a deserving date. I would suggest anal the only reason I wouldn’t suggest if your not into his package it might send off wrong message and you might have hard time getting rid of him lol.

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